just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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