She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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