Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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