You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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