she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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