Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
