Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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