so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
