i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize