Your tits are I can't wait for
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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