why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize