I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
