I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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