i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
