$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize