Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
