He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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