You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
