the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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