Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
