question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
