Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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