So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
