why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
