The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
