I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
