Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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