She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
