I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
