quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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