i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
