he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
