He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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