I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
