if i can run in heels then i can drive
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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