Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
