i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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