3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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