was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
