Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she told me i tasted like america
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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