is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
