my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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