worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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