Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
