Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
