I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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