Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
