This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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