So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
