Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
