Moan for me like Helen Keller
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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