I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
