Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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