You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
