its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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