ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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