After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
