woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
