So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
