You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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