I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
