i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
