My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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