You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize