Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
