Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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