I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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