so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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