i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
