I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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