That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Damn victory sex feels great
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
