the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
