By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
